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retreat was fair, i felt.
and it was nice getting to know people who are willing to tell you so much about themselves, so willing and eager to give themselves up for the approval of others, to get something off their chests. but for me, alas, it's not that easy.
i cannot open up and admit to lies and a life i do not own or know.
i did not utter a whole sentence of truth.
everything i said was heavily deluded with a syruppy taste, and thus, no one figured me out.
and it feels safer. my last compliments were that i was an optimist.
which confirms my belief in being personal and no one figuring me out. on a brighter side [and who would have thought, haha] lauren was in my group and in my bed, so to speak, haha.
it was nice because she is nice. and i didn't know it, and she didn't know me.
she apologized to me and i could only think, "whoa." it was very way bizarre.
and yet, very way nice.
i want to be her friend, she makes me want to be her friend.
she had a hard life, and i want to tell her that she's not alone. but that would be a lie.
because everyone's alone.
and i did not realize fully until i was standing there under the sky, huddling under the wind, it was just then that i realized that i have no one.
and i feel the most lonely when i'm with people. but it's okay.
because now i know they're lonely too.
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robotomy's journal